#like im a masculine woman and a feminine man and also neither of those things at all

[somekindafairy]

god im just completely oping out of the fem/masc dichotomy from now on.

im just so tired.

like before i started t i had several people describe me as fem (both as "feminine" and as "a femme") since going on t i've had multiple instances of being described as masculine or referred to as masc.

and never once in any of these cases have i felt like they were saying something true or accurate about me.

(also feels noticable that this shift happened when i started hormones and not when i changed my clothes or hair or pronouns or self description words)

[genderqueerdykes]

for some reason, im having a really hard time acceptimg that im nonbinary.

all my life ive acknowledged and loved nonbinary people, ive supported genderfuckery and defended people with weird genders through and through, but when it comes to myself, its hard. i think something in me internalized that one day ill have to “grow up” and choose, so that peopld will stop saying its a phase and take me seriously.

ive thought up and down about what kind of person I want to be so I could “settle” on them. feminine woman, or masculine man. even then, i kmow i dont have to choose between those— masculine woman, or feminine man? the problem is…. all of those sound appealing!!!! i want to be all four!!!!!

despite my efforts to deconstruct the binary in my mind (i honestly think a lot more people would be nonbinary if it werent for the suffocating weight of societal norms), i still feel the need to choose. there is no “androgyny hormone” i can take. its E or T and im scared of both.

i guess it co-insides a lot with my sexuality. i heavily suspect im pansexual but i go through moments where im like, “do i even like men?” “wait, i dont like girls” “no im a lesbian” “no im a gay guy” “goddamnit i dont want to be either, fuck this, im aroace” “oh wait nevermind i like guys again”. i dont really relate to most gay mens experiences but i dont know if i relate to lesbians either. im afab and gendernonconforming and because of that almost everyone thinks im a lesbia, but when i think about being in a lesbian relationship it doesnt feel right? like, i know i dont have to be a woman to be a lesbian or a man to be gay, maybe its the fact that i mostly only peer into cisfem lesbian and cismasc gay spaces…. but i dont know. neither feel appealing. im scared ill have to choose :(

you don't have to compromise or choose anything that isn't right for you! there is no one right way to be non binary. non binary people don't even have to take hormones if they don't want to. there's no reason you'd have to. and you don't have to choose any terms like lesbian, gay, etc. if you feel those don't apply to you, either. those can be seen as a binary and if you don't fit inside of that, you don't have to exist there. you can just be "queer", it's a catchall that can mean different things to different people :)

there's no right or wrong way to be non binary, you don't have to make any fast and hard decisions in order to be that gender. it also doesn't matter what other people perceive you as- closeted trans boys are perceived as women, and that doesn't make them that. same logic applies to you. maybe masculinity fits you for a while and then it does it. maybe you dress a certain way for a while and move on to another form of presentation. identity is not static, it molds to its owner with time and use.

it takes time for anyone to figure these kinds of identities out, so there is no rush and you're allowed to try a term and see if it fits, and if it doesn't, move on to another. there's no guide to being non binary, so we all navigate it differently. it takes time for the pieces to fall into place. feel free to ask any more questions you may have! good luck figuring things out

[cacowhistle]

i'm drafting this post two weeks ahead of time. today (the day im posting this) is dipper vs. manliness day for @gravity-falls-daily and since dipper was literally my transmasc awakening i want to talk abt the trans-coding in his writing that was not intentional but that makes him so relatable to me :] his struggles with masculinity are based on alex hirsch's own struggles with masculinity while he was growing up--it's not solely a transgender experience, but it's one that a lot of us can end up relating to, especially when we're around dipper's age in the show!!

dipper vs manliness is very obviously like. yeah. dipper struggles with his masculinity! people look at him and point out his more feminine traits--higher pitched voice, lack of hair in certain places, his enjoyment of traditionally "girly" music... he isnt physically that strong (at least not in the beginning), he can be a little cowardly (i imagine anyone would be, in half the situations he gets into)... these are all things that people look at as distinctly not masculine, even if those traits dont mean anything in regards to gender. and that bothers him! hes upset when people look at him and dont necessarily see his gender the way he wants them to.

its something that resonates w me a lot as a trans man, especially as im pre any medical changes i want to make, so i still get perceived as feminine and whatnot a lot of the time! but the main lesson that dipper learns in dipper vs manliness is that, like. what other people think? that doesnt matter. being a man is whatever you want it to be. and that might be different from what other people want it to be! dipper isnt going to always fit the stereotypical mold of a man, but as long as hes comfortable in his own masculinity, thats what counts! i think it's a really sweet message to send to kids--and it's also one of my favorite "grunkle stan being a good caretaker" moments when he. its not like, comforting, and its not really Advice, but when they talk at the end of the episode? and stan affirms him and tells him he's his own man? good shit.

external validation is good, and its important in a lot of instances and makes the world better and safer for trans people, but really, gender is what you make of it. as long as you are happy with your own gender and presentation, youre good. theres no wrong way to exist as a man or woman or neither or any combination of anything, and i really like the way this episode sells that.

[transsexualhamlet]

For the multigender ask game 6 30 21

!!!!!! hiiii im so glad someone actually asked something for this one omg. this is. important to meeee

ask game

6- Do you identify with any terms that can encompass being multigender, like trans or nonbinary?

I do definitely identify as trans, of course, both transgender and transsexual (taking the old timey meaning of both), my identity as a man is of course inherently trans, considering that I'm a perisex afab person. But I've had a sort of complicated relationship with the word nonbinary- I relate more closely to "genderqueer" as an umbrella, although in modern times the words are taken to mean the same thing, most people hear "nonbinary" and think "neither a man nor a woman" which I am not- I'm kind of binary, both of them. Genderqueer tends to have a connotation more closely to what I feel. If a survey or something asks for my gender and only offers "man" "woman" or "nonbinary" i waffle really bad and usually end up choosing man or nonbinary depending on the day, but I don't identify very strongly with it.

Most specifically I call myself bigender, because my experience centers around being a masculine woman and feminine man like. the intersection of drag king and david bowie. If I find any more terms that describe what I feel I would scoop them up like some sort of creature

21- What are you favorite things about being multigender?

I really do love the freedom that comes with realizing that I identify with both womanhood and trans manhood and everything in between. I used to be so worried about passing and doing the Right Things to be trans and trying to stifle my feminine interests to be seen as genuinely trans. It's so much easier to realize I can just be both, and allow myself to feel kinship and happiness being seen both ways. It also pisses people off SO bad which I love<3.

While I am not native and am not two-spirit, I also just have so much love and appreciation for all those different people in the past and present (like my boyfriend @kn11ves :])who have always been able to recognize and express identities that are not just one thing, over thousands of different cultures in different ways. It makes me so very happy.

30- What do you wish more people knew about being multigender?

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT FOREVER AND NO ONE CAN STOP YOU, AMEN.

There is no greater joy than allowing yourself to be literally everything you want. I am so happy to be trans i am so happy to be a man and a woman and a dyke and a faggot. I'm holding hands with everyone and it's amazing.

[transmascore]

i feel like im going insane. i have literally, literally, identified as everything in the lgbtq+ acronym. literally every single thing. ive "come out" as every sexuality, claimed i was every gender, and yet i still feel like im wrong. im so tired of not knowing who i am. i feel like a fraud and a fake, like an idiot for not knowing who i was when i was like 3 and just stucking with it forever. i wish i was just normal. do you have any advice for figuring it out?

I understand the frustration. It can be scary to not know who you are, and to want to have a definite answer - to have closure. Identity is a complex thing. 

My own understanding of myself has changed over time. From identifying as a woman, to nonbinary, to a man. From woman-leaning pansexual to gay. From feminine to masculine to feminine again. From using one set of pronouns to another, and then another. I've absolutely felt that imposter syndrome and that need to pin myself down as something specific. To know myself fully and feel stable in my identity. 

I don't want to claim that identity is fluid for everyone - there are people out there that find themselves day one and little changes for them. But I will say that, in general, part of life is that people are always changing. One's understanding of oneself evolves over time. We're not the same person at 30 as we were at 20, as we were at 15. I resent the notion of "a phase" as it's often used dismissively, and that's used to invalidate a person's identity and experiences. I don't really believe in "phases" so much as "this point in time is part of my journey."

When I said I was nonbinary at 17, that wasn't a lie. It wasn't a phase; it wasn't me faking anything. It was who I was at that time, my authentic self. Just as 10 years later, me living as a man is my authentic self. And in neither scenario am I taking up unnecessary space.  I understood myself as being attracted to women for most of my life, and that was my understanding of myself then. Now I'm a Kinsey 7.

My biggest piece of advice is to go with the ebb and flow, and not to beat yourself up about it. A big part of the queer journey, for most people I'd say, is to keep exploring until you find what sticks. What feels right to you in the here and now? What makes you feel happy and at peace with yourself? If you find yourself at a loss for an answer, that's okay. You don't need to have one. You can exist as you are without labeling it (unlabeled), or by using an umbrella term to signify that you're LGBT without getting into specifics (such as queer or genderqueer). 

There's also terminology out there, neologisms, that describe people whose understanding of their own sexuality and gender are in flux - like abrosexual and genderfluid. Because you're far from alone. Many people cycle through the acronym and aren't quite sure where they belong. Even if those specific words don't necessarily click with you, I recommend looking into their communities and speaking to the people in them. You may find answers and make friends with people in a similar situation.

Ultimately: You cannot be a fraud when it comes to your own gender and sexuality. If you come out as a lesbian one day and a gay man the next and a bisexual that afternoon - there's nothing wrong with that. You are you, whatever your understanding of the situation is at the time. 

Good luck on your journey, and take it one step at a time. Go easy on yourself. And if you can, do something nice for yourself today. Treat yourself! Figuring out who you are is hard work. ❤️

[wickedpact]

Do you think fandom tends to feminize Nicky? It's a problem in a lot of fandoms with gay couples when (mostly) straight women are writing/drawing the pairing, they (willfully or not) give one of the men female characterization.

which.. .i think both interpretations happen fairly often, neither is necessarily majority ‘fanon’, (so to answer your question, yeah)on~. youll see people say feral!nicky is fanon nicky, and youll see people say, uh --the term i always see used for this is ‘soft!nicky’ but i hate the misusage of the word soft-- but like... passive, delicate, feminized nicky, is fanon nicky.

which.. .i think both interpertations happen fairly often, neither is necessarily majority ‘fanon’, (so to answer your question, yeah)

however i also think discussing feminization is something of an interesting topic. of course its a bit shitty to apply heteronormative roles onto a non-het relationships. there is no ‘man’ in a f/f relationship, there is no ‘woman’ in a m/m relationship. assuming these roles must exist in a m/m relationship is rather homophobic & ignorant & even fetishistic in certain situations

(and of course thats not touching on situations where a man can be gay and feminine, or a woman can be gay and masculine-- and sometimes for individuals they feel those two things are connected and sometimes they arent. but we’re talking about how gay people are perceived [usually by straight people], not necessarily how they identify. and even if, say, a woman identifies as butch or identifies/presents as masculine, that doesnt make her ‘the man’ in a relationship. same goes for men.)

(and THATS not even touching on like... .what is 'femininity?' whenever i use the term i mean stereotypical femininity, the type of femininity women are often pressured into. delicate, gentle, emotional, passive, modest, etc)

but anyways that leads to the question: is nicky feminine in the movie? which.. no, in my opinion, not in the way he is sometimes portrayed within fic. but -this is only somewhat related- but i think theres something to be said for how tog kind of denies gender roles/tropes within action movies. the Role™ nicky has within the group --the nurturer, the comforter, the moral backbone-- is one usually taken on by The Sole Woman On The Team™ in other action movies. on the flip side, andy has a role --the world weary leader-- thats always taken on by a man. i talked about that (in the tags! it took forever for me to find this post) here.

i think thats great! its a great subversion of the usual boring tropes action movie fall into. but does nicky being emotionally aware make him feminine? no, in my opinion. does him being the little spoon -of all things- make him feminine? again, no. does him liking cooking make him feminine? no.

HOWEVER, i think its very easy for people to see those behaviors and --consciously or subconsciously-- fall into the thought pattern of ‘oh, hes the ~girl~ in the relationship!’ and we could discuss how that assumption does and doesnt fit into people’s portrayal of their sex life if we wanted, But I Dont Want To And You Couldnt Pay Me

so like.. nicky is a mom-friend type but that doesnt define his entire personality. he is, within the movie, neither demure nor shy nor innocent, which are traits i see him written as sometimes, for seemingly no given reason. ([im 27 vine voice] hes 900)

i feel like some people need to conceive him as one of the two. hes either a hyper violent Manly Man or hes a delicate little flower. and like.. hes neither, hes just nicky.

[enbees-and-aros]

I'm decidedly nonbinary (and like 90% sure I'm agender), but recently I've started thinking about gender stuff and I feel a sort of connection with the idea of being a trans woman. The problem is that the idea of being a woman is very unappealing (so is being a man for the record), but like given bodies and experiences growing up I guess I feel like people who've had my experiences and want to look the way I want to look are mostly trans women so I somehow feel a connection of some sort. (1/4)

I know this whole thing is kinda pointless and labels aren’t necessary and all that, but this is really bothering me. The idea of having a binary gender is awful, but the idea of being a woman isn't. I'm decidedly not one, just because the term is slightly uncomfortable. The thing I'm concerned about is that I've been brainwashed into fetishizing trans women. I worry I'm faking being an enby because it's somehow a sexual thing, even though that makes no sense and is just TERF rhetoric. (2/4)

My transition goals are the main reason I worry that I'm fetishizing trans women or being nonbinary or something like that. I'm the stereotypical enby, thin, white, abled(ish), and my transition goals are to be able to present masculinely (aka comfortably because society is patriarchal and bullshit) but still be perceived as female, if that makes any sense. Ive just decided that since that's the stereotypical enby look clearly I'm just faking everything and trying to fit in, even if im not (3/4)

I'm decidedly not a demigirl btw, thought about that but that just isn't for me. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that I'm not a terrible person for my transition goals. Don't feel like you have to respond if it's too much work though, and thank you for everything you do, you're great. (4/4)

The trans community and gender spectrum are both huge, and encompass all kinds of people with all kinds of transition and presentation goals. Some of these are going to fall under stereotypical things, and others are going to fall under less heard of things. I try to think of it this way: it’s a stereotype because it’s a common experience. It’s not a bad thing to fall into stereotypes, so long as you understand and respect that not all trans / nonbinary people are going to be exactly like you, and to help support and boost those unlike you.

From what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re fetishizing trans women at all. Of course, I am neither a trans woman nor amab so I can’t speak on their behalf, but you do seem very aware and respectful. You are clearly aware of how fetishization and transmisogyny affect trans women, so you’re not doing it on purpose. You simply like how they present as women, and you want to look like them while also being percieved as a woman just like / similar to how they are. Fetishization is inherently about sexualizing someone for your own sexual pleasure, which is not what you’re doing, plus a lot of people who fetishize trans women are also transmisogynist about it.

As for labels, here’s a few suggestions I can think of that may fit:

Librafeminine: Mostly agender with a little attachment to being female and/or feminine.

You could use nonbinary woman or nonbinary trans woman

You could use transfeminine along with a nonbinary label to emphasize that you’re transitioning in a feminine direction

I hope that helped, and thanks a lot for the compliment! ^-^ I wish you luck in your transition as well as finding a comfortable label!

[itsjudemydude]

you know what i reblogged this without saying anything but i got some shit to say yall

im amab nonbinary. ive known for sure for maybe two years now, and its been a slow process coming into my identity. only like two days ago did i decide to try going by a different name (my name is jude! nice to meet you!). the only reason i didnt before was because i wasnt sure if my disliking of my own name was just because its my name, and because its also my father’s name (im a jr.), and because its just not a pleasant name over all; OR if its because my legal name is incrediby masculine and it was making me feel slightly dysphoric. and i wasnt sure if i should be allowed to change my name because hey, im still somewhat masculine despite being nonbinary. i have facial hair, i wear men’s clothing, most everyone in my life either knows me as a man or at least sees me as rather masculine. so why shouldnt i be okay with my very masculine birthname?

but the thing is, thats flawed thinking. my being “allowed” to change my name is wholly independent of what i am. the fact that i wanted to change my name AT ALL is a real telling sign that i should. because your transition—social or physical—doesnt have to be the same as anyone else’s, even if you use the same labels to describe yourself. if you wanna change your name, do it! if you want top/bottom surgery, or hrt, or even something as simple as a wardrobe change, its within your right to seek those things out, even if other people using the same labels as you dont feel the need to. and this also goes for people who still havent FOUND a label; dont ignore what makes you happy just because you want to fit into a box.

i spent a lot of my 19th year of life struggling with my identity, worrying about what labels best fit how i was feeling and what i should change about my expression to allign with those labels, but thats going about it all wrong. in the end i realized it wasnt a label i needed—the label came after. what i needed was to realize that i wanted to separate myself from the manhood that had been ascribed to me, and instead live my life without worrying about how the masculinity or femininity of my lifestyle choices made other people see me. yes, there are masculine things about me. yes, there are feminine things about me. and yes, i am neither man nor woman. i didnt change my name because i was “supposed” to, and i was never restricted from changing my name because i WASNT supposed to. i changed my name because thats what i wanted to do, because it felt right. and if someone had told me that two years ago, it wouldve made all the difference.

my name is jude, because that makes me feel right. and thats the most important thing in all of this. make changes in your expression that feel right, and everything else will fall into place.

reminder that if you’re questioning your gender, “what do I want?” and “what will make me happy?” tend to be much more useful questions than “what am I, really?”

[alleycat4eva]

being gender critical is more than just acknowledging sex based oppression. it's about analyzing and being critical of the social construct in whichever way it presents. from how it originated (from social roles based on sex which differ from culture to culture) to how the term gender was coined by who and why (john money...) to how it evolved in the last century in the west due to the post modernist movement to analyzing third genders from yours or other cultures (and how some of those third genders were originally social categories forced on gay men or people with disorders of sex development) to analyzing definitions, the concept of "passing", why people get misgendered and how does that reflect the majority's understanding of the words man and woman, and any argument why someone identifies as this or that gender (not just trans people, cis people too) and looking for fallacies. and from my experience ive seen arguments like the male brain/female brain theory, relationship with femininity or masculinity, feeling like a certain gender to name a few beside gender dysphoria or lack of it (and even that one isnt a be all end all since there are GCs with dysphoria).

for short the core belief is that gender is a social construct (it is not innate or biological), that man and woman arent genders but words that refer to adult humans of either male or female sex, that you cant "feel" like a man or a woman you either are or you arent depending on your biology, that your sex doesnt determine how you should dress or act or what job you should have your likes dislikes your personality etc - that would be bioessentialism - and that those traits dont determine or form someones gender (and if it did then gender would just be a label for what kind of lifestyle someone has). so if gender is none of those things then what is it?

as for being a terf - while it is a misnomer who gets thrown around a lot for any reason - it was originally meant for radical feminists so im guessing that's what you're talking about. radfems are gender critical but being GC doesn't automatically make you a radfem (neither does acknnowledging sex based oppression). radical feminism is a perspective within feminism that calls for a radical re-ordering of society in which male supremacy is eliminated in all social and economic contexts, while recognizing that our experiences are also affected by other social divisions such as in race, class, sexual orientation, disability etc. you have to agree with most radical feminist tenets to be a radical feminist (im saying most because there are still debates regarding certain ideas)

Okay so I suppose to even say gender critical I'd have to start off by doing even more research? I'm not sure how to break this down exactly.

I'm not sure that there is enough difference in uh, male and female brains? To really say there is sex based differences? And vioessentiqlism is, uh, not real I'm pretty sure.

But it sounds like more research is needed on my end?

[wedontcareaboutyourbinary]

hey so this is kinda complicated for me... but i dont feel like im male or female, agender, or anywhere on the spectrum and i feel like a whole other gender entirely! I go as transmasc w he/him pronouns thou bcus i find thats what it feels closest to. I dont want to use 'third gender' either bcus ik thats a cultural thing (im white) and i wouldnt want to appropriate at all, but there doesnt seem to be any other word for it. Im tempted to make my own term but i know nobody will use/understand it

There are a few things that could work for you!

Proxvir is a gender related to masculinity, but is something separate and entirely on its own. 

Maverique is a gender characterized by autonomy and inner conviction** regarding a sense of self that is entirely independent of male/masculinity, female/femininity or anything which derives from the two while still being neither without gender nor of a neutral gender.

Neutrosis is a gender identity that feels neutral, null, or genderless. Sometimes used interchangeably with agender, as the two definitions overlap.

Abinary is a term for anyone whose gender is completely unrelated to the gender binary (such as agender, quoigender, maverique or most xenogenders). 

Altegender (Pronounced “alt-eh-gender”) is derived from shortening the phrase “alternate existence.” It is a xenogender that feels as though it’s in a parallel dimension, on a different plane, in a mirror universe, or just in an alternate existence. 

Anonbinary is a gender that definitely isn’t binary, but is still even outside of nonbinary. Hence using the ‘a’ like in agender.

Anongender is a gender that is unknown to both yourself and others.

Apogender is a gender identity in which one feels not only genderless, but separate from the entire concept of gender.

Aporagender is a gender separate from man/boy, woman/girl, and anything in between while still having a gendered feeling.

Arigender is a complicated gender identity that you cannot explain or is very hard to explain. A gender that does not fit under any labels. An unfathomable gender.

Pomogender is short for “postmodern”, a way for a person to say that they believe the current vocabulary is not quite complex enough (or diverse enough) to accurately describe their own sense of gender identity.

Ectogender is a gender identity that is elusive, constantly out of one's grasp, and/or hard to pin down.

Epicene is an adjective (sometimes substantive) that indicates a lack of gender distinction. The Order of the Epicene website includes a definition of epicene that they credit to the Oxford English Dictionary; ‘that which exhibits characteristics of both (binary) genders, yet is neither’. In linguistics, the adjective “epicene” is used to describe a word that has only one form for both male and female referents. Epicene may also be a non-binary gender identity.

Exgender or Egender is a genderless feeling that is stronger than agender. It is a refusal of the concept of gender, and of any gendered identity.

Existgender is a gender that simply exists.

Gender- or Gender(minus) is a gender which can only be closely described by a certain gender descriptor but doesn't quite fit every aspect of that label. Example: Xe identifies as maverique more than any other gender, but xe does not feel entirely independent of masculinity/femininity, and therefore isn't quite maverique. Xe is maverique-.

Gendereaux is a feeling of being detached from the concept of gender, but simultaneously identifying with or encompassing many nonbinary experiences or identities.

Genderlike is a gender identity that feels similar to, but not precisely, another gender. Can be combined with relevant genders.

Gendernull/Nullgender is being without gender, but it is not agender or neutrois, a term for those to give a “tangibility” to the intangible thing that is their gender. Described by a nullgender individual as thus:"Undefinable, intangible, the uncreation of gender. It's taking everything everyone throws at you, saying male, female, pick one, pick this, pick that, and taking it in, only to expel it, poisonous crystals erupting from your skin, armor against those who don't listen. A 'I don't want a label because labels don't fit but they help shut people up sometimes, so here have a label' gender label. A fall-back plan, a red herring to give people who can't conceptualize the absence, void, nullification of gender. It is, and is not. All and none. Nonexistant but present."

Genderunique is a gender that cannot be described by existing terms, it is very unique and personal. It is more up to interpretation by the individual that identifies with it than anyone else.

Gendervacuous or Vacugender is from the word “vacuum,” to describe the feeling of existing in a space without gender. Similar to egender and quoigender, but not quite the same. The feeling that gender as a concept does not apply to you, or does not fully apply to you. Someone who is vacugender can present in any way that person chooses, and may be okay with being viewed as any gender.

Genderweird is a term used to describe those whose gender cannot be described by any existing label, or cannot be pinned down as such.

Homproche ("om–PROESH"): Near or Approaching Male,” From French homme ‘man’ and proche ‘near.’ A gender expression that is Masculine, despite a gender identity that is not. An identity where one’s gender expression is an integral part of one’s queer experience.Can also be used, in some cases, as a synonym for Proxvir: A gender that is close to or resembles Male but is separate from it. This gender is not inherently Male-Aligned / Solarian, an Homproche can have any alignment.

Ilyagender: Having a tangible presence of gender, one which is not man, woman, neutral, or agender in any way, nor between or a combination or derivation. related: aliagender, aporagender, maverique.

Ningender: Umbrella term for all genders neutral in nature. Not synonymous with nb, because, for example, juxera is nonbinary but it is feminine in nature, not neutral. May simply be used as "nin", ie. "my gender is nin".

Nonpuer/Nonvir: Someone who is not male at all in any way, shape, or form, but feels a strong connection to masculinity within their gender. Nonpuer is the young form and Nonvir is the older form, as, similarly to the term "enby", many find "boy" (puer means boy in Latin) infantilizing.

Novigender: A gender experience too hard to read/process/understand or too complex to pin down to one word.

Preterbinary: Beyond the the gender binary/spectrum of male and female.

Transneutral:A term used to describe transgender people who were assigned male or female at birth, but identify with neutral gendered feelings to a greater extent than with femininity or masculinity. They usually are nonbinary but could be trans men or trans women.

Vexegender/Vexgender: When one’s gender is in the non-binary/agender spectrum, but pinpointing it beyond that is impossible because the individual does not understand the concept of gender.Not to be confused with Gendervex.

Xenogender: A nonbinary gender identity that cannot be contained by human understandings of gender; more concerned with crafting other methods of gender categorization and hierarchy such as those relating to animals, plants, or other creatures/things. It’s mainly an umbrella term for genders with themes such as nouns, archetypes, synesthetic experiences, neurodivergences.

All of the above definitions were taken from here and here unless otherwise noted. If none of these feel right I would recommend checking those links as well! They’ve got a ton of stuff.

[chemical-x-glitch]

my answers for the nonbinary november ask game!

original post by @letters-to-lgbt-kids

1.Which labels do you use?

trans, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, gendervoid, transmasc

2.What are your pronouns?

xe/xem or they/them

3.How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary?

19

4.What’s one thing you’d like to tell your younger self?

A binder is a better way to get a flat chest than st****** yourself 

5.Is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most?

the idea that we are a monolith and all have the same feelings about gender

6.Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to?

i dont really know much about any nonbinary celebrities

7.If you’re out, how did you come out?

came out on tumblr first and then to my dad via text, my mom in person with my dads help, and then i eventually came out on facebook

8.Is there a gender-related pun you like? 

even tho im not genderfluid i like calling fluids gender fluids

9.Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too?

yes! both of my best friends are also nonbinary!

10.Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character?

not currently

11. Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+… which one do you usually use?

lgbt+ cuz its inclusive but still short and easy to type

12. How do you explain the term “nonbinary” to people who have no idea what it means?

i avoid that conversation but i think i would just say it means that im neither a man or a woman 

13.Tell us a fun fact about yourself (gender-related or random!) 

i have a fairly large collection of furbies

14.How did you find your name? 

the first few years i went by lou cuz my nickname as a kid was lyssie-lou, and then i switched to axel and i chose that one because my email address as a kid was axelgirl (its an ice skating reference)

15.If you’re in a relationship, how did your partner react to your coming-out?

im not in a relationship and at this point i would not date someone who doesnt already know and respect that im nonbinary

16.Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other or something else?

i actually really love the term joyfriend and would be loved to be called that if i ever get in a relationship

17.A piece of advice for questioning kids?

its okay to not know for sure! also alot of times figuring out what youre not is easier than figuring out what you are, and thats just as important of a step to finding yourself. also experiment with clothes! once its allowed again just go to a store and try on clothes that you kinda like but wouldnt necessarily buy! take pictures and see how you feel in those clothes! clothing isnt inherently gendered but the right clothes can make you feel more like yourself!

18.Which flag(s) do you use?

my favorites are the trans flag and the inclusive rainbow flag because they represent very large communities and i think thats really valuable. i also use the nonbinary, agender, and genderqueer flags for myself

19.Any tips for bad days?

its okay to feel whatever youre feeling and youre not bad or dirty because of it! also i know this can sound out of reach but it will get better eventually!

20.Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr?

not that i can think of

21.Feminine, masculine, androgynous - or none of those things?

i prefer the term genderless or gender neutral

[thathumanwiththecatears]

its the night after my birthday rn as im starting to type this, and i have no idea if i will actually finish this tonight and post it or not so just for reference to see how long it takes me to talk about this its currently 1:43 am on 2/5/18 and everything id under the cut because its very long.

so, i want to talk about literally everything going on in my head about gender, and im not gonna leave anything out, not even the stuff that i would normally be really afraid to talk about on here cause i just need to put everything down in words. 

I currently identify as a genderfluid person who leans more on the masculine side. and just for clarification i will say i also call myself trans, trans masc, nonbinary, and genderqueer. I discovered that i was genderfluid in 2015 and i have been happy with that label ever since, of course with the normal self questioning every genderfluid person goes through. 

for kind of a while but mostly recently, i have started wondering if i am possibly also intersex. for anyone who doesnt know what that means: its when you are born with ambiguous sex traits, so that can mean a lot of things like different hormones and genitals and stuff. so apparently, most people who are born intersex dont actually know, and neither do their parents, because if there is anything physically “out of the ordinary” you could say, they will just do a surgery to fix it first. 

now one thing that made me think this was the fact that i have a hormone imbalance. and i havent actually looked into anything that much to even know if that is a sign of it, but what i do know is i was told to take birth control to fix it and i can not stand how it makes me feel. It feels wrong, sometimes it almost feels like my body fights with it too and like i have more testosterone because of it trying to counteract it. again none of this is scientific, i literally dont know how this shit works and feel free to tell me i am an idiot. There are also 2 other reasons i think this but im actually rethinking the posting literally everything cause im too uncomfortable posting about those two so im gonna not talk about them, but feel free to make up your own idea if you so choose, you will probably be wrong.

things that i had before starting birth control were: hair on legs and under arms growing really fast, i smelled worse, i will say i had a stronger libido, i had long dark hairs that would grow from under my chin and neck (not extremely noticeable but they were there), some hair on my tummy, and a few hairs occasionally grew in between my tiddies, and i had a VERY messed up menstrual cycle like i very rarely had periods. there are more things but at this time i cant think of anymore. these things have all like not stopped but chilled i guess, and i almost hate it?? which is one of the things that is making me more interested in trying to go on T. 

There are many things i want from T but also so many things i am afraid of. i will mention the stuff im afraid of first cause i honestly feel like that is an easier list for me to talk about. so big big one, is my hair, i am terrified to lose my hair. so much of my self confidence comes from my hair its not even funny. i rely so much on my hair. people always question if im drawing myself when i draw characters because all of them have hair extremely similar to my own, but i just love this hair, i always have, and the fact that i actually get to have this hair on my head makes me incredibly happy. 

another thing im less concerned about but a bit is my voice. i know that that is like one of the main things trans guys usually want to change but i like my voice. i like how it sounds, and i like to sing. im afraid of what my voice will sound like after, im afraid i will hate it, and the thing is, that isnt reversible, if i go on T and my voice changes and i dont like it, i cant just stop T and have it go back. that is a permanent change, same with the hair. the things im most afraid of are the permanent things so im very afraid of it.

face shape changing is one thing im on the fence about, on one hand i think it would be nice, but also, i like my face shape, or at least the face shape i pretend to have in selfies, but I also use makeup to make it more masculine and i love how that looks and wish it could really look like that. Because of the fact that im genderfluid not a trans man makes it so much harder. 

things i think would be fantastic though, a big one for me is getting rid of periods, and i know that can be done by other things but it is deff a huge plus to this too, you see I got really used to not having them like ever, and now i have them every month, and i cant stand it. this is also gonna be really gross but whatever, i dont even like, do anything sometimes. i will just free bleed, if im home, if im wearing one of the pairs of pajama pants that i know always wash out all the blood then i just dont bother with anything, i have a short and not too heavy period so i dont even ever bleed completely through the pants either, so it just kinda works. its just so annoying and i hate that i have to deal with it now. 

another thing is weird to some but body hair growth, some people hate it but i kinda like it sometimes, and if i decide i dont i can just shave it off and everything is great. also beards, i love beards, and judging by my family and the fact that my face tries to grow hairs without T tells me i can deff grow one. and again if i decide i dont want it i can just shave it off. 

body fat migration, to make me have a less feminine body, and muscle growth, are both things that on my fat ass body i dont think would make too much of a difference quite honestly, but would i be pumped to look less feminine and be able to get more muscle if i actually worked out? HELL YEAH. and im just gonna slip this lil thing in here i like the idea of the uh,,, growth, that happens else where but just my body changing like that makes me happy, i know for a fact that i want to get my chest removed because its extremely annoying and gives me dysphoria, and quite honestly my tits are fucking ugly, i dont care how body positive i want to be and how i support any other person with large breasts, mine are so fucking ugly i have hated them since they grew in.

there are a ton of tiny things too that change that i want and like also just the fact of having those hormones in my body would make me feel normal. estrogen doesnt make me feel right. it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, and like i have taken away a part of myself. i dont know how to describe it, but that “hormone imbalance” felt more “right” to me than this. i feel like im messed up now. 

im just conflicted. I want to be happy, I want to feel okay in my body, but right now i dont, and i also dont know if being on T would fix it, or give me irreversible side effects that i can never fix and leave me feeling the same way. I honestly just feel like i would be better with my “imbalance” cause that was the most normal i have felt. but apparently thats not “healthy” 

literally like the main thing here is im not a trans man, and im not a cis woman, and yeah i lean more on masculine, but will i regret doing things to my body that actually make me physically closer to being male. i dont know, and there is no way to find out without really regretting it. but im just not happy how i currently am either, so it just makes it so hard. there is like no way for me to be happy like this, i just dont even want to have a human body, i would rather exist as just a formless entity that has no male or female traits. 

this post didnt even help me figure stuff out. im still just as confused. I just want to be able to live as a man but keep my voice and hair, if i could do that i think i would be 100% ready to go on T. and these are such petty things and i feel so bad about being caught up on them cause trans men talk about how they are afraid to lose their hair but say how its worth it to them. and i feel so bad that i dont know if it is worth it for me. like i dont deserve to transition if i dont think its worth it.

it has been an hour now. and i think im done now. but i might post about this again.

[patrice-bergerons]

Hiiii. I was wondering what does it actually mean to be nonbinary? And also what pronouns are acceptable to use? Like is it just they/their or is there anything else? Just trying to be more educated on this topic :-)

Hi friend, I’m so glad you asked! I’ll give it my best shot but this is a long and rambly answer I’m afraid. The resources at the bottom probably do a much better job of explaining these concepts. Also each person experiences gender differently so when I’m talking about personal examples those are most certainly not every genderqueer person’s experience! :)

Nonbinary, or genderqueer refer to any gender identity that lies outside the traditional male/female binary. While sex is assigned at birth based on the appearance of genitals gender is more social–it’s how femininity and masculinity are constructed and perceived by society. These are obvious examples but think of the men and women in your life and I bet you’ll find things you associate and don't associate each with. Men and dresses? Women and getting the check on a first date or holding doors perhaps? Or if not those you can come up with your own. (Once I was talking to cis [i.e. someone who identifies with the sex they were assigned to] male acquaintances and one of them said he’d want the woman he married to be ‘as innocent as a lamb' and he would always protect her and while I was a little lost for words his idea of gender roles was quite clear)

I was for example assigned female at birth and most people when they first see me identify me as a 'woman.’ However nine days out of ten I don’t feel like a woman at all. To me that means–among other things–that if you gave me long hair, put me in a dress and makeup and shoved me out in high heels I would quite literally want to crawl out of my skin. That to me is just as bad as having to go out in a full Man City kit! In colors and a crest that you don’t identify with at all; that feels Wrong.

[this is just my experience though. there are a whole bunch of people who identify as genderqueer and feel comfortable in feminine / masculine clothing. It’s all about what gender and gender identity means to each person. There is also a difference between gender expression and identity but really I don’t want to go into too much detail here.]

But most of the time I don’t think of myself as a 'man’ either, whatever that might mean. In fact I see all these expectations and cultural norms around what it means to be a 'man’ and what it means to be a 'woman’ and they don’t make much sense to me at all. So genderqueer or nonbinary then is like this amazing 'neither’ option that gives me space to be who I am, without having to put myself in one box or the other. The name I go by too is not my assigned name, but I chose it because I love how neutral it is. I love that when I tell someone my chosen name they don’t know whether to categorize me as male or female; I love that the name doesn’t come with the gender baggage.

Now on to pronouns! In my native language this is a non-issue because we have one third person pronoun that refers to everything, and so is by default gender neutral. English unfortunately is not structured that way. And let me tell you every time someone uses she/her pronouns for me I internally wince because that’s not *me* and yet here is another person putting me in a box where I don’t belong. Hence my singular they pronouns.

They are by no means the only game in town however (did you see the terrible pun I pulled there–a terrible sense of humor knows no gender boundary). There are a whole bunch of gender neutral pronouns people use; ze/hir is another common one for example. 

Last but not least here are my two cents on how to handle this whole gender thing. I cannot overemphasize how important it is to just take someone’s choice of pronouns and gender identity at face value, without asking them why or how or speculating isn’t this [identity / pronoun] better for you? That validation lifts such a monumental burden of the other person’s shoulders.

Everyone screws up pronouns and that’s okay! God knows I’ve slipped into habit and misgendered myself in casual conversation a bunch of times. It makes such a difference to quickly own up to your mistake and move on without making a big deal out of it (a simple 'oh hey sorry I used the wrong pronouns there’ more than suffices).

And I think if you’re coming from a genuine place of wanting to understand and if you reserve judgment people are usually quite open to talking about their experiences.

A couple of resources that explain these things much more eloquently than I ever can.

 here is a (non-exhaustive) list of different pronouns, how to use them in sentences and some best practices as to how to approach pronouns.

here is a gender wiki of sorts.

plus here is the bonus round of various readers talking about what their gender means to them at the Guardian.

Feel free to hit me on anon or IM if you’d like to know more and I’m sorry this answer is not the most coherent or succinct! And thanks for taking the time to ask :)

[ask-pride-color-schemes]

Hey, I need some help with my gender. So, I'm a female biologically, I'm sexually attracted to only women. Im comfortable either she/her or they/them pronouns. Thing is, i dont care about my genitals, but I hate being feminine. I'm not trans, but I love to look like a guy, but I'm totally fine with my female genitals??

First, try not to assign gender to your body, even if you are fine with it. I’ll assume you are a perisex (non-intersex) person who was assigned female at birth (AFAB) being cissexist, but keep in mind the assumptions of assigned female = “biologically female” and vagina = “female genitals” hurt anyone who isn’t cis and perisex, be it by making excuses to misgender people or by treating people as anomalies to be corrected because the way they are born is deemed wrong by society.

Next thing is, you may be a cis woman even if you hate femininity, wear clothes usually sold at the “men’s section” and don’t mind they/them pronouns. Your identity is your own, and if you decide non-cis labels don’t fit you, that’s ok too. You may want to look up “gender non-conforming”.

But, I’ll assume that, since you came here wanting help with your gender, you aren’t looking for reassurance that you can still be cis, but rather for labels that might fit you if you are not.

Nongender: A gender that is most accurately described by what it isn’t, not by what it is.(As in, you could say you are nonboy and nonfeminine or something.)Nonpuer or Nonvir: Someone who is not male at all in any way, shape, or form, but feels a strong connection to masculinity within their gender. Nonpuer is the young form and Nonvir is the older form, as, similarly to the term "enby", many find "boy" (puer means boy in Latin) infantilizing.Pomogender: A gender where one denies or does not fit any labels for any particular gender. For example, someone who knows they're not cis, but is not interested, or can't specify what their gender(s) are.

Proxvir: Masculine gender similar to boy, but on a separate plane and off to itself.Xirl: Someone who identifies in some way as a nonbinary girl or nonbinary girl-adjacent. Someone who identifies with some part of woman/girlhood but who wants a more nonbinary and neutral sounding word because they aren’t entirely girls or don't want to be associated with the typical ideas brought up by the word “girl.”

Libramasculine: A gender identity that is mostly agender, but has a connection to masculinity. Based on the zodiac sign Libra.

Ambonec: Gender identity in which one identifies as a combination of male and female, but also identifies as neither gender.

Antigender or Ungender: A gender identity that can only be understood as the opposite of another gender – for example, an antiboy would be the opposite of male.

Mingender: Umbrella term for all genders masculine in nature. Also a term to refer to a gender that isn't fully defined but definitely masculine, or a gender in which masculinity is its defining feature (but the gender is not binary male). May simply be used as "min", ie. "my gender is min".

Dubgender: Means that you cannot trust that an existing gender identity label will fit you perfectly well, which means that, despite being a good label, a dubboy doesn’t really trust that the label of “boy” will be entirely accurate, and a dubgirl is a little iffy about the label of “girl” as well.

Demigender: A gender identity that feels partially like one gender and (maybe) partially like some other (usually non-identified nonbinary) gender. So, for instance, someone can be a demiboy, and feel partially like a boy but partially not.The demi label may be placed in front of any other gender label. It is most frequently seen as demigirl or demiboy, but can also be used with nonbinary genders and can be used with more than two genders (someone can be demigirl, demiboy, and deminonbinary).

Those are some that /could/ fit, but I can’t really be much specific because a lot of the things you said could be interpreted as several things. For instance:

Bottom dysphoria (feeling the need to change genitalia), or even physical dysphoria (feeling the need to change something in your body to be gendered differently) in general isn’t really necessary to not be cis; I know people who don’t feel dysphoric but transition to be able to be recognized as their gender more easily, or that never felt bad about their body but just felt better upon transitioning.Also, a lot of nonbinary people don’t feel dysphoria because there’s no way they could change their body to something that would reflect their gender.

A lot of people can like dressing masculine: that could mean you have a masculine gender, but you can also be a girl or have no gender or have a gender that’s not male or female at all and like to dress masculine. It may also be a way to express you are non-cis in general if you are usually assumed to be a girl since childhood, even if your gender is close to girl (xirl, juxera, demigirl).

It’s possible to be comfortable with your assigned pronouns (I’m going to assume she/her) and not be cis; some people are ok with any pronoun, some are just used to those and see no need to correct people.

There’s a lot you may want to think about, but if you want further help with your gender, I recommend thinking about the following issues (as an AFAB nonbinary person myself):

Are you okay with being referred to as a girl, woman, and maybe associated titles (queen, princess, madam, sister, etc.)?

Would you feel better/would it feel right if people referred to you as a boy, man, male, and maybe associated titles (king, prince, mister, brother, dude, etc.)?

What if people referred to you only with words without gender association?

Is your dislike of feminine things because you don’t want to be associated with girls? Or is it just a personal preference, maybe because you don’t think pink and tight clothes look nice on you?

Is your preference of masculine things related to wanting to being associated with boys? Or is it just a personal preference, maybe because the clothes are more comfortable or look nicer?

Is your preference for all of those things fluid?

Do you think those things mentioned above may be influenced by neurodivergence, race or other factor? If yes, do you think these factors make your gender different from those who don’t have the same experiences as you?

Excluding genitalia (which is rarely visible anyways), would you feel better with another kind of body, regardless of what you feel with the current one?

~ Tath

[transgenz]

okay so what is gender identity?

hi bestie im assuming u mean this in good faith not in a "aha gotcha" way

i (tulio) have written a whole ass essay on this once in my old account if any of yall still have it feel free to link it here

but to put it simply, gender identity is the concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither when related to your biological sex. it's how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. x

it's whatever the fuck you make of it. man, woman, non binary, genderfluid, agender, those are just labels, and they can look like and mean whatever the person that claims it wants them to. it's your label, it's your identity, it's innate and beautifully yours as makes you euphoric and comfortable. in other words, gender's our bitch and it means whatever the fuck we want it to. it's what you call yourself related to biological sex. for instance, a trans woman when presented with her biological masculine traits will defy and redefine it so those traits will be feminine like what she truly feels they should be from the beggining. that's her gender identity. i could think of a thousand examples like this, with trans people redefining what it means to be a man, a woman, non binary, etc.

sorry for any mistakes, english isnt my native language and when i have to write things seriously i usually use a translator but i dont feel like it rn :I i hope you can understand what i meant tho and we're always open for questions. also mods and other trans folks feel free to add to this !

[robustcornhusk]

unraveling an anxious thought-loop: i need to get it out with the idea that someone might read it or else it’ll remain incoherent. 

physical/situational/resource factors: 

was a human very hard this weekend (internet friend came over on wed, went out on thursday, went out on saturday + internet friends came over, friends came over saturday, went out all day on sunday and people came over)

haven’t eaten enough food yet

mild sleep deprivation 

apartment is still something of a mess from move (should be finished within a week, but it’s already been 2 weeks...)

i wish i could embed a graph ... 

do not know what gender is, after some years: i know what actions/directions/things feel better. short hair is good, high waist-hip ratio good, flat chest is good, organ removal was good. facial hair is annoying. being grouped with women seems incorrect, being grouped with men is confusing (in that i still model people as sorting me into woman, so i’m surprised when that’s not true). 

i’m thinking of matrix multiplication. multiplication, dot product.

i joke it’s a good thing i was raised such that i was believed to be female instead of male because i have fewer actions to be embarrassed about. (i must not think about the past. i cannot think of anything i have done that i do not feel deep shameguiltthiswasWRONGandishouldnothavedoneit). 

it seems i think it’s better overall that i hurt, regardless of magnitude, than other people hurt, regardless of magnitude. (in practice, i do things that hurt other people for my own benefit, but my ideal is that i should hurt and not other people. i should fold up small and fit in a box.)

(there is a distinction between alieve and believe. i can’t remember which is which. emotionally-believe intellectually-believe.)

even if i deeply/emotionally believe that it’s better for me to hurt than other people, i intellectually know that it’s unsustainable, so i have to give myself the minimum necessary to not completely im/explode. i do not know where the minimum is. every amount i give myself, i think is more than necessary. 

so preoccupied by all the other stuff that needs doing – worrying about the carpool, whether there's anything in the fridge to cook for dinner – the time itself is what sociologists call "contaminated."

does this apply to the activities themselves? 

(i see things floating around: “there’s something that needs doing. i don’t want to/can’t do it right now. i can’t even enjoy other things because i should be doing the thing. that’s how i spend 8 hours staring at a wall, not doing the thing.”)

getting away from the thing i’m upset about, or maybe circling back to it.

failed woman, ersatz woman. emotional labor/work // second shift, flowing from that: i can’t read social cues as well as other people. other people have to tell me what they feel: they have to feel it, have to notice it, have to put it into words, have to figure out the right time to indicate to me what they feel, have to figure out the right way. rather than: they have to feel it, i notice, i adjust. 

(it seems that many people i respect/ed, like/d appear to intellectually and emotionally believe: you have to do your share of emotional work/noticing, social overhead, ... in order to be a Real Adult. look at these people, who don’t do their share: such overgrown children! and they’re all men! women know how to do this.)

”The gay men profiled here are less healthy, less socially connected, and less able to process their emotions because those are facets of emotional labor and they've neither learned how to do it themselves, nor found women to do that work for them.”

(i don’t know if i’m a man or not, but people seem to sort me into that bucket, and when people i talking i don’t know where to put myself into into “unfortunate, pitiable austistic faab” and “selfish, lazy autistic man unwilling to put in the effort”)

i set off into guilt/shame/badfeelings cycles when i see friends being very fem: they’re very good at this thing they’re choosing to do! i was raised to do it and i was bad at it. i was supposed to do this and i was awful at it and i ran away from it. if i were a good person, i would do that: femininity is a good thing, masculinity a bad thing.

(a few years ago, with a now-close friend ((it is inevitable to become close to someone if you talk to them so long when in that state)): i expressed my emotionally-based hate of masculinity ((when i think i don’t know what’s wrong with it. i know this is wrong because i’m told this is wrong? but other people think... i’m just bad at it.))... a few months later they asked what i thought they gender was. demurring: i don’t know, it makes me think of ((music)). they seemed happy to hear this answer. now, some time later, taking hormones. it took them a long time to come to that, so it’s unlikely my self-hate made them to flee... right?)

circling back to what i am upset by today:

a friend in an irc channel does online dating. this friend posts excerpts of messages sent by people when it’s funny how ill-suited the messages are. all of them are from men, of course. they have never mentioned meeting a man and enjoying the experience on this site (and in fact, dozens of instances of “this one sucks”); have sometimes mentioned meeting women and having a good time.

i asked if they’re considered not seeing/being seen by straight people because they seem to get a lot of really awful messages from straight people? and after they responded “yes, but i am also interested in dating straight men” i dropped it & privately apologized. a cohuman picked up the conversation, not reading signals. now: channel with a substantial portion of people saying “don’t stop [showing us the gross messages from the gross men]! it’s funny!”

... and they should be able to tell people about the gross, rude messages they get! it’d be bad to prevent them from talking about it? 

(fake woman: i never experienced a lot of this! i was bad at paying attention, transitioned before really dating/trying to date people, i was not very feminine and not much of an interesting target. i say, remembering the time at 13 a much older man told me to “dump your boyfriend, i’ll treat you better!”, when a bunch of men rolled down their window and told me to get in their car, the boys who held me down and groped me weekly during lunch in high school, ... but, you know, i never experienced anything bad. i wasn’t really a woman, i’m really a man, so i don’t know anything.)

i guess i just don’t like that the “here’s the lock i have been machining and assembling for the past three weeks!” channel is the same as the “talk about the losers on the internet who don’t read dating profiles” channel. because the first is neat for me, and the second makes me to go into a... this.

(... and i hate that the friend who works with cohuman, housemate, led wizard on art is also the same friend who i cannot be around when any female/-closure/maybe if you squint people are around. during, it’s incessant flirting and throwing the rest of us under the bus; after, it’s entirely “she’s so cute! i want to date her, sleep with her, ...”. i recall going to lunch with her once: “the waitress is cute! I want to give her my number.” “Please don’t, she’s working right now?” Server’s shift ended & she left; friend ran after her and followed a block to hand off phone number. which. holy shit! no! don’t! bad! why would you think this is an okay thing to do!)